I am an adoptive father of two little girls who (along with my wife) mean more to me than the oxygen I breathe or the lifeblood that sustains my existence. The only thing that comes even remotely close to matching the love I feel for my wife and children is the all-encompassing, soul-shattering gratitude and respect I have for the two women who chose to place their daughters in our care.

The two women who made my wife and I a mom and dad after years of infertility grief.

The two women who sacrificed their everything so we could have everything.

The two women whose hearts we’ve come to know and love as we continue the journey in our open adoption relationships.

While all birth parents are unique in their own right, there are several universal truths I’ve come to understand about the hearts of men and women who choose to place their babies for domestic infant adoption; truths I hope our society will strongly consider and embrace.

Birth Parents Love Their Kids

You know that deep, unconditional, always-and-forever love people feel for their children? The kind that desperately hopes for every one of their kids’ dreams and aspirations to come true? The kind that makes them ache with the affection they didn’t think possible? Well, birth parents feel those very same feelings—a forever kind of love that only deepens and intensifies. It doesn’t fade or dwindle with the passage of time, school, or career accomplishments, marriage, or additional children. It’s a common (and appalling) refrain in our culture that birth parents “abandon” their kids because they don’t care for them. In the eternal words of Dwight K. Schrute…”False.” Rather, birth parents selflessly place their children for adoption out of the same deep love parents feel when they think about all they’d give up to ensure their child’s wellbeing.  

Birth Parents’ Pain Never Truly Goes Away

Every one of us, at some point in our lives, makes a painful decision we know is the right one. But birth parents, no matter how confident, will never be rid of the residual pain of having placed their children for adoption. It’s crucial that we respect this pain and recognize that it stems from the kind of love that can only be found in a parent’s heart. Sometimes it manifests itself as general malaise. Other times, it’s a deep, burning torment. And of course, every possible emotion between. As my oldest daughter’s birth mother reminds me, this hurting is not the same thing as regret. There are times (my daughter’s birthdays, for example) when it’s too painful for her to join us for parties. Adoptive parents—and we as a culture—must recognize and understand that just as birth parents’ love for their children is eternal and unwavering, the agony of surrendering their parenthood, while hopefully complemented by plenty of joyful reassurance, is just as eternal and not something they ever “get over.”

Birth Parents Aren’t Trying to “Steal Back” Their Children

Ah yes, this is a common one. Some adoptive parents are faced with this comment: “Don’t you have to be constantly worried every time you send your child off to school or every playground visit or trip to the zoo that his or her birth parent is lurking behind a corner, waiting for the opportunity to snatch your kid away from you?”

If this wasn’t such an offensive (and often implied) question, I’d laugh at its absurdity. It’s unbelievably important that we don’t equate birth parents with cold-blooded child abductors. The correlation just doesn’t exist. Just the opposite, birth parents are the ones rooting the hardest for adoptive parents to be the best possible mother or father for their baby. They want their children to look up to and love adoptive parents as their child’s legitimate mom or dad.

My wife and I have occasionally been asked if it’s a good idea for our oldest daughter to see her birth mother as often as she does—that doing so will cause her birth mother to “want her back.” Respectfully, the entire premise of this question is flawed. There was never a time in which our daughter’s birth mother didn’t want to be her baby’s primary, full-time mom. Seeing the child she birthed grow and mature in the care of the people she personally handpicked has never changed that fact, but it has, at the same time, beautifully grown their unique relationship and served to positively reinforce the validity of the gut-wrenching decision she made years ago on her daughter’s behalf.

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There is no doubt that there will be pain and loss that comes with adoption. It unfortunately is inevitable. It is the beauty that can be found after and during this pain that makes adoption so beautiful. I once referred to adoption as beautifully heart-wrenching, and I still believe this to be an accurate description. When my son was born, I still remember feeling a great sense of conflict. I was so incredibly overjoyed at his birth, but I knew what was coming for his mom. While she was not able to parent and was sure of her choice to place, it in no way meant that she would not feel that pain. It is biologically wired into a mother to grieve her child when they are away. I can’t imagine that type of pain. When I try to, it is unbearable. 

The beauty of the sacrifice she made for her son, choosing to carry him, give him life, love him immensely, and the gift she had given us in choosing us to be his parents is what got us all through those first few days. It is still painful to think about the loss that occurred in those moments for both her and my son. We gained so much and they both had to sacrifice a life of “could have beens.” There is a phrase, “beauty from ashes” that I often think of in adoption. From their loss sprung our joy. From their pain sprung our decision that open adoption was the only choice, and it turned out to be one of beauty.

Choosing to have an open adoption was the best and most beautiful decision we have ever made. The joy on my daughter’s face when she gets to spend time with her siblings and birth family is worth every inconvenience or penny it may take. The more love we can give her in her life, the better! While loss is inevitable in adoption, there are so many ways to minimize that loss as much as possible through open adoption. My daughter is only two but understands very much that she simply has a large family and many people that love her. Her beautiful, intertwined family tree will be her everyday normal. She will know she is fiercely loved by many.

If you are unexpectedly pregnant, please consider adoption. Visit Adoption.com to view adoption profiles from hopeful adoptive parents. Visit Adoption.com/unplanned-pregnancy to find guidance with your unplanned pregnancy.

The post The Beauty of Adoption appeared first on Abortion Options | Abortion Facts, Articles, Side Affects.

One of the foremost reasons that I love adoption is because of its ability to provide love exponentially. Growing up, the examples of adoption I had seen in the media had always been closed adoptions. The idea to close the door to a birth family never made sense to me, even as a child. It may have been because my own grandmother was adopted and spent her life without information about her own birth family. She had a few names and dates but struggled with her identity. While closed adoption is the only option in some cases such as birth parent preference or for security reasons, it felt like an option for my family. I saw how much my grandmother longed to reunite and have the potential for love from her biological family. 

I love adoption because it no longer just creates new families but grows families. My son and daughter have two mothers and two fathers. They have countless siblings, aunts, uncles, and double the grandparents. While it may seem “abnormal” in some social circles, my kids adore their family. While they have different relationships with each member, they know families come in many forms. Our family has grown and continues to remain open. Why would we choose to take that opportunity for love from them and the opportunity for them to know from where they came. They not only know they have a birth family, they also know that they are overwhelmingly loved.

Adoption creates families, grows families, and joins families. I love adoption because it changed the entire course of our lives. It finds families for children. It also gives birth parents the opportunity to place their children in a loving home when they are not able to parent. The rising popularity and the ability for birth parents to choose openness in adoption has transformed adoption for the better. Adoption continues to be a life-giving option for all members of the adoption triad.

If you are unexpectedly pregnant, please consider adoption. Visit Adoption.com to view adoption profiles from hopeful adoptive parents. Visit Adoption.com/unplanned-pregnancy to find guidance with your unplanned pregnancy.

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1. 78 % of all pregnant women who see an ultrasound do not choose abortion

There was a time when then the only way we knew anything about a gestating baby was when the mom felt a kick, during a miscarriage, or during labor and delivery. Times have changed. We now know so much more than we did even 20 years ago. Ultrasounds are a dynamic technology that shows the sex of the baby, the baby’s movements, the health and development of the baby, and the baby’s positions. According to Life News, 78% of all pregnant women who see their babies opt out of abortion. Ultrasounds are a powerful tool that gives us a window inside the hidden world off the unborn and ought to be used more often.

2. At 10 weeks’ gestation, a “fetus” has most body parts needed for the rest of her life

According to Voices for Life, at 22 days after conception, a fetus has a beating heart. At 10 weeks she has a brain, eyes, nose, mouth, ears, arms, fingers, hands, feet, and toes. She is a human. She deserves to live!

3. Only 1% of abortions are due to rape or incest

Less than 1% of all abortions take place due to rape or incest. Yet a 12-year-old can get an abortion without her parent’s knowledge in many states. Incest is with a minor is a horrible crime and should be reported as such. But performing secret abortions for minor teens simply because she does not want her dad to know is wrong on so many levels. Doesn’t a parent, who has committed no crime, have a right to know about his or her grandchild? 

4. Abortion is the #1 killer in the black community

When we think of deaths in the black community, we may think of diabetes, heart disease, or HIV. However, according to the Radiance Foundation, abortion is the #1 killer in the black community with a whopping 300,000 abortions per year. That’s more than all other deaths combined! Please don’t get me wrong, I am black; I was raised in a black neighborhood by black parents, and I have adopted and raised two black kids of my own.  It gives me no joy to report these numbers. As a matter of fact, it breaks my heart that my fellow brothers and sisters feel they have no other choice than abortion as an answer to a crisis pregnancy.  

5. There were more black children who were aborted than there were born in NYC in 2013

According to Life News, a NYC Department of Health report shows that for every 1,000 black infants born in 2013, 1,200 were aborted.

“The shocking results show that 54.6 percent of black babies in healthy pregnancies were aborted that year. This means 79 black babies are aborted in the city every day and 66 are born alive.”

Again, my purpose is not to bash the black community. I am black. I grew up in NYC. I was born to an unwed, teen mom. My heart aches for my people. My purpose is to bring awareness to a major problem. The black community is missing thousands, even millions of people. Even if we don’t believe that a fetus is a human being, is it good for the black community, or any community for that matter, to be deprived of its future by neglecting their own children to be born?

These statistics are crazy! They may be controversial, but they are real. They are hard facts that should be weighed against the rhetoric of “choice.” Don’t believe me? Do your own research. Follow the links I’ve provided and go to the original sources. Make an educated decision and don’t just follow the crowd. Open your mind as well as your heart.

Are you considering placing a child for adoption? Do you want more choices with your adoption plan? Do you want to regain more control in your life? Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98. We can help you put together an adoption plan that best meets your needs.

If you are unexpectedly pregnant, please consider adoption. Visit Adoption.com to view adoption profiles from hopeful adoptive parents. Visit Adoption.com/unplanned-pregnancy to find guidance with your unplanned pregnancy.

The post 5 Crazy Abortion Statistics appeared first on Abortion Options | Abortion Facts, Articles, Side Affects.

1. This video captures a birth mom’s emotions as she prepares to place her son with a family to be adopted. It’s a firsthand account of this little boy’s full story. What a beautiful, powerful blessing to be able to hear the emotion, for this birth mother to explain why she made her decision, her wishes for his life, her hopes for her child.
2. This video touched me deeply. It shows the vast array of emotions involved in the triad. This baby boy is obviously loved so deeply by his birth mother and his adoptive parents. You can see how much the adoptive parents care for Dominique. She is so very real. The fear, joy, the heartbreak. The relief as she placed that precious boy in their arms. The strength this young woman has as she signs those forms, knowing she will never have rights to him again. A beautiful and heartbreaking story of love. 
3. This one touches me in many ways. To hear the ones affected the most talk about their slice of the story, it’s important. Hearing these chosen kids explain adoption and their story. It’s truly beautiful. And somewhat silly, too.
4. Foster care adoption is such a beautiful journey. Seeing this video where this boy is obviously so loved, so cherished. The amount of family and friends that turned out to witness his adoption finalization is a very beautiful journey. Beauty from ashes.
5. This last video is a beautiful story of how a young couple was called to adopt internationally. We often hear of adoption being a result of infertility. This young family was formed out of a calling, a calling that started in this young mother long before she and her husband met and married. It’s a compelling story for changing the world, one child at a time.

Happy adopting!

Are you considering adoption and want to give your child the best life possible? Let us help you find an adoptive family that you love. Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98.

Are you ready to pursue a domestic infant adoption? Click here to connect with a compassionate, experienced adoption professional who can help get you started on the journey of a lifetime.

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1. My boyfriend left me. I can’t raise this baby alone.

Raising a child as a single mom can be frightening. But the fact is, 80% of all women who face a crisis pregnancy choose the option of keeping and raising the baby. You don’t have to be alone. There are people who will help: family, friends, the faith community, and the community at large. Surround yourself with loving, positive people, and those people will help you and love your baby.

2. My boyfriend is forcing me to get an abortion.

No one can force you to get an abortion. If you feel pressured, your boyfriend is not the sort of person you should be spending the rest of your life with anyway. Another option is to search for a pregnancy resource center. Bring your boyfriend with you to have a conversation with a competent professional who will offer free ultrasounds, free prenatal care, free counseling, free diapers, free formula, and free parenting training. Click here for more information.

3. My father threatened to throw me out of the house if I got pregnant.

This is awful, but it is a reality for many girls. The option, in this case, may be a maternity home.  This is a place where women experiencing a crisis pregnancy can go if they are at risk for homelessness. A maternity home will care for a mom and baby before and after labor and delivery. A maternity home is a great option if a young woman needs a place to stay far away from their community where they will be loved, supported, cared for, and not judged. Maternity homes, also known as maternity housing, may provide such things as housing, support, pregnancy resources, addiction counseling, and spiritual counseling. Click here for more information. 

4. If I place my child for adoption, I will never see her again.

Not necessarily so. Have you considered an open adoption? An open adoption is a structured relationship between the adoptive parents, the biological family, and the adoptive child after the adoption is finalized. This a great option that allows the birth mother to create a life plan for the child. An open adoption ensures that she stays involved in the child’s life as long as it is in the child’s best interest to do so.

5. I am the victim of rape or incest.

If you have been raped or have endured incest, you are the victim of a crime. Pregnancy is not a crime; rape is. If you do not report the crime and proceed with an abortion, the crime may be covered up and the perpetrator may be free to do it again…possibly to a different victim. Do you have a younger sister or younger cousin that could also be the victim of this person? The best way to avoid that is to report the perpetrator, have the baby, and place the child for adoption—if that is best for you and your baby. Otherwise, having an abortion creates two victims: you and your baby. Remember, the baby is innocent; the perpetrator is not.

You have options. Whether you choose to place your child for adoption or raise the child yourself, do what is best for your child. Abortion is not predestined for your child. You have the power to give your child a life that can be lived to the fullest. Consider all options before making a final decision that cannot be reversed.  

Are you considering placing a child for adoption? Not sure what to do next? First, know that you are not alone. Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98 to speak to one of our Options Counselors to get compassionate, nonjudgmental support. We are here to assist you in any way we can.

If you are unexpectedly pregnant, please consider adoption. Visit Adoption.com to view adoption profiles from hopeful adoptive parents. Visit Adoption.com/unplanned-pregnancy to find guidance with your unplanned pregnancy.

The post What Are My Abortion Options? appeared first on Abortion Options | Abortion Facts, Articles, Side Affects.

I loved my little baby. As young and unprepared as I was, I was still excited every time I felt the little life I made flutter and kick inside me. I loved her so much that I didn’t care when people stared at me and whispered about where the father might be. I wanted to be her mama with all my heart.

But that didn’t change the fact that her dad wasn’t around to help care for her. It didn’t change the fact that I was still a child myself. The desire to be a mother didn’t give me the money or maturity or time I would need to give her the best life I could.

So I had a decision to make. During my pregnancy I made a long list of all the reasons I wanted to parent my daughter. I wanted to be her best friend, to dress up in matching outfits, to tuck her in every night. I wanted to be there every day to watch my little love grow up.

And then I made a list of all the reasons to choose adoption. She would grow up with two parents who were in love and stable. She would never have to worry about whether she would eat or not. She’d have a mommy who could stay home with her full-time and give her all the attention she needed.

Finally, a list of reasons why I might abort. No one would have to know. I wouldn’t have to deal with being pregnant at 17. If I couldn’t parent, why should I ruin my body just so someone else could be a parent? Why should I deal with all the judgment?

The more I looked at my lists, the more I realized–the adoption list was the only one that truly benefited her. The other two were mostly about me and what I wanted. But it was my responsibility as a mother to do what was right for HER.

And so I found her a beautiful family. It broke my heart to place her after my pregnancy, but it would have broken my heart more to watch her torn between her parents in a custody battle, and even more to have never had the chance to give her life, to see her little smile and kiss her little cheeks. For me, adoption wasn’t easy–but it was worth it.

Now I see my birth daughter every few months, and I get pictures every week. She is thriving and happy with her life, and I am with mine. I’m going to school and living life, knowing that she is safe and cared for. Adoption was by far the best choice for the both of us.

Are you considering placing a child for adoption? Do you want more choices with your adoption plan? Do you want to regain more control in your life? Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98. We can help you put together an adoption plan that best meets your needs.

For more stories and guidance regarding unplanned pregnancy visit Adoption.com. Also visit Adoption.com to view adoption profiles of hopeful adoptive parents and families.

The post How I Came To Decide Adoption When Faced With An Unplanned Pregnancy appeared first on Abortion Options | Abortion Facts, Articles, Side Affects.

1. Choosing adoption means you will never see the child again. Unless you and the adoptive parents agree on a completely closed adoption, this is not the case. 95% of adoptions today are open, varying in the level of contact you have. Some adoptive families see the birth parents very often. Others only see them a few times a year. Some just communicate through letters and pictures. The great thing is you can choose what kind of relationship you want to have.
2. Your child will hate you. As long as the adoptive parents explain the adoption properly, it’s not a given that your child will automatically hate you. Your child will know from childhood that they have a birth mom and dad and that for whatever reason (age, income, lifestyle choices) they could not be parents at the time he/she was born. The adoptive parents should explain that the child was placed in a new home as a loving decision. Sure, any child will form good or bad opinions about their parents, whether adoptive or biological, but the point is that growing up, if they hear positive things about their biological mom and dad, they will not fear them. If children grow up having a relationship with the birth parents, they will know who they are; they will know their heart and their intentions.
3. The adoptive parents don’t really care about you and just want a baby. Not true. Today, most adoptions are open and the adoptive parents not only expect contact, but want it as well. As a birth mom to the child, you are incredibly special to the adoptive couple. They also know it’s good for the child to know who you are.
4.  Birth mothers give their babies away to make their own lives easier. First, you didn’t give your baby away, you placed them in a situation that you couldn’t provide for them at that moment. Adoption is not the easy way out. It is a selfless thing to give birth to a child and then place your child in another home because you know it’s for the best. You will never forget your child or the pregnancy. In an open adoption, you will have contact with the adoptive family and child for the rest of your lives. It’s a new, unique relationship that can be beautiful, but can also be challenging. It may be hard for you to see your child and then say goodbye again each time you see them. You may miss your child. Certainly, these things don’t make life “easy” for you. Most birth mothers, however, say that getting a picture of their child can mean a world of difference. To know your child is well puts you at ease.
5. You can’t place a child that has been exposed to drugs or alcohol for adoption. There are all types of adoptive families. Some couples are open to adopting a child with health issues. In an agency adoption, adoptive couples are asked what specific things are okay and not okay with them, so then only the couples that match up with you and your child based on those criteria will have the chance to meet you. This is why it’s important to be honest with your agency because it will ensure you are matched with the right family.

Though there will always be exceptions to the things stated above, they are myths because people believe them to be common fact. This is not the case. Trust your gut, do your research, and you will know if adoption is right for you and your baby.

Kristin Anderson

Are you considering adoption and want to give your child the best life possible? Let us help you find an adoptive family that you love. Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98.

For more guidance with your unplanned pregnancy, visit Adoption.com. If you are considering adoption as an option with your pregnancy, visit Adoption.com to view adoption profiles.

The post 5 Myths About Choosing Adoption For Your Baby appeared first on Abortion Options | Abortion Facts, Articles, Side Affects.

1. 1. Your Rights Will Be Terminated

      After you give birth and the baby is placed with the adoptive family, there is a period of waiting before your parental rights are terminated. This period varies by state and can take several months, depending on where you live. Once the required time has passed, your rights as a parent to the child will be terminated, and you will not be able to make any decisions concerning your child or have access to your child unless the adoptive parent allows.
      Many women don’t realize that things aren’t final just because they have placed their child with an adoptive family. If circumstances change or you just don’t feel right about your decision, you can legally change your mind in certain circumstances.

   2. The Adoption Finalization Will Occur

      Once you have placed your child for adoption, it will take some time for the adoption to be finalized. After the termination of rights, the adoption of the child will move forward and a court date set. The adoptive parents and the child will appear before a judge who will approve the adoption.
      All papers regarding the child and pre-adoptive information will be sealed. It will be difficult to access these documents without a court order.

   3. You Will Grieve For Your Child

      Even if you know that placing your child is the best for you and for them, you will still experience feelings of loss. You will grieve just as a mother with a stillborn or miscarriage. The emotions may come right away or it may take weeks, months, or even years before you complete the grief process.
      You can expect to feel anger, denial, hurt, guilt, and even relief as you go through this process before you reach acceptance. Adoption is a lifelong decision, one you cannot take back once it’s completed. The feelings may also impact you for the rest of your life.

   4. You Will Be Able To Receive Counseling

      You can find a therapist or program that will help you deal with the loss of your child once you place him or her for adoption. In fact, it’s a good idea to have the name of a place even before you reach this point. Look for a therapist or center that specializes in adoption counseling. They will be able to understand your situation and offer methods to deal with the emotions you’re going to experience.

Choosing adoption for your child is a noble, selfless choice when you cannot give them a home. However, it’s not without consequences to you. You should be prepared for what will happen once your child has been placed for adoption so that you can move forward.

by Joyce Morse

Are you considering placing a child for adoption? Not sure what to do next? First, know that you are not alone. Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98 to speak to one of our Options Counselors to get compassionate, nonjudgmental support. We are here to assist you in any way we can.

For help and guidance regarding alternatives to abortion, visit Adoption.com. Connect with others through discussions and forums at Adoption.com/forums.

The post 4 Things That Will Happen After You Place Your Child For Adoption appeared first on Abortion Options | Abortion Facts, Articles, Side Affects.

No matter what you do in this life, people are going to have an opinion about it. In my personal experience though, people seem to think their opinion toward my unplanned pregnancy was important. They were sharing it loudly, often, and mostly unsolicited. I had doctors that weighed in on whether or not I should breastfeed or spend time with the baby after birth due to my adoption plan. People were talking about how I was “old enough” to have a baby, how my job was better than some, how I had this or that or some other thing that in their mind equated to the ability to parent a child well. I had to write off people’s opinions (something I have always struggled with) in order to make the best decision regarding my unplanned pregnancy.

When facing an unplanned pregnancy, you may or may not be considering an adoption plan. Almost worse than people’s unwanted general opinions are their opinions and stories pertaining to adoption. Although it has been done in the world for centuries, adoption can still be a taboo and misunderstood concept. After some people hear about your plans, they may offer up one of two things: a story about a friend or family member adopting and how that went for that person, or a horror story taken from the news or a movie they saw on television once. The stories they tell can be either hopeful or harrowing. People may think they are either preparing you for the best or the worst, but as mentioned previously, this is a very personal, individual journey, so take any stories told to you with a grain of salt.

It’s YOUR Decision

The most important reason to listen to your heart instead of other people when facing an unplanned pregnancy is that at the end of the day, you are the only person who can make the decision and have to live with the choice you make. If you decide to parent, you are the person who will be caring daily for the child. It is you who will need to secure safe necessities for the child. Your life will be affected by parenting the child. If you decide to place the child for adoption, you will have to deal with what that decision means for your life.

No matter the decisions you make when it comes to your unplanned pregnancy, remember that you are the only person who can truly know what is best for you and your child. Don’t let other people’s opinions or stories influence what you think you should do. If you feel you need someone to talk to, it is best to seek out someone non-biased, like a counselor, but if that option isn’t possible, take the person’s experience into account when applying it to your situation. Good luck!

Are you considering placing a child for adoption? Do you want more choices with your adoption plan? Do you want to regain more control in your life? Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98. We can help you put together an adoption plan that best meets your needs.

For more guidance with your crisis pregnancy, visit Adoption.com. You can join in on the discussion of unplanned pregnancies, adoption, and abortion through finding message boards and forums at Adoption.com/forums.

The post Why It’s Important To Listen To Your Heart, Not Other People, When Facing An Unplanned Pregnancy appeared first on Abortion Options | Abortion Facts, Articles, Side Affects.