When we first began our adoption journey, I would have described it as anything but beautiful. We were met with roadblocks on every corner and felt, at times, that we had no one in our corner. I know for our children’s birth mother who faced an unexpected pregnancy, the idea of adoption was terrifying. The unknowns alone can cause indecision and even skepticism. Having to carry a child for 9 months and then place him or her after all that time would seem unthinkable to almost anyone. It was not until we got on the other side of our journey, had our daughter in our arms, that we all realized the beauty of adoption. It wasn’t until after our first post-adoption visit with our daughter’s birth family that we realized the extreme beauty of open adoption. Adoption is an incredibly intense experience and can often be harrowing, but is overwhelmingly worth it.
There is no doubt that there will be pain and loss that comes with adoption. It unfortunately is inevitable. It is the beauty that can be found after and during this pain that makes adoption so beautiful. I once referred to adoption as beautifully heart-wrenching, and I still believe this to be an accurate description. When my son was born, I still remember feeling a great sense of conflict. I was so incredibly overjoyed at his birth, but I knew what was coming for his mom. While she was not able to parent and was sure of her choice to place, it in no way meant that she would not feel that pain. It is biologically wired into a mother to grieve her child when they are away. I can’t imagine that type of pain. When I try to, it is unbearable.
The beauty of the sacrifice she made for her son, choosing to carry him, give him life, love him immensely, and the gift she had given us in choosing us to be his parents is what got us all through those first few days. It is still painful to think about the loss that occurred in those moments for both her and my son. We gained so much and they both had to sacrifice a life of “could have beens.” There is a phrase, “beauty from ashes” that I often think of in adoption. From their loss sprung our joy. From their pain sprung our decision that open adoption was the only choice, and it turned out to be one of beauty.
Choosing to have an open adoption was the best and most beautiful decision we have ever made. The joy on my daughter’s face when she gets to spend time with her siblings and birth family is worth every inconvenience or penny it may take. The more love we can give her in her life, the better! While loss is inevitable in adoption, there are so many ways to minimize that loss as much as possible through open adoption. My daughter is only two but understands very much that she simply has a large family and many people that love her. Her beautiful, intertwined family tree will be her everyday normal. She will know she is fiercely loved by many.
If you are unexpectedly pregnant, please consider adoption. Visit Adoption.com to view adoption profiles from hopeful adoptive parents. Visit Adoption.com/unplanned-pregnancy to find guidance with your unplanned pregnancy.
